mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I have post one night stand depression
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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