i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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