PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
