i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
