oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
