He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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