mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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