you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
