Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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