I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
