i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
