Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
