I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
