i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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