singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
