The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
