Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
