i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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