I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
