I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Enjoy the penises
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
