On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
