Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
