I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
