So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
