You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
