It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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