He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
