Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
