One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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