I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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