Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
