Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
