Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
