Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
