if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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