My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
