2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
