i barfeds in our rink
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
