Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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