see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
