come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
