Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
