im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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