wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well I can't set my house on fire every night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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