yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
