Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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