I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
