so let's talk penis.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
