Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
