do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
