You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize