are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
