Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
