well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
