Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
