then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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