batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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