Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
