Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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