Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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