Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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