Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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