I wish I could teleport
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize