That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
