good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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