drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
