That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
