i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
