hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
