So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize