vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
