I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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