Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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