rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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