After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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