So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
