What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
