I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
