Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
