She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
