Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
