I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
