Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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