Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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