Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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