not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
