my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
