Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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