Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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