I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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