my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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