Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
