If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
