She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
