I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
