my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
