I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bring money and cleavage
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
