Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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